My problems today

My problems today :

1)      my head is filled with unorganized thoughts.  I used to organize my thoughts on the piece of paper but now I have to use speech recognition on my computer because of my carpal tunnel.  And speech recognition is not working that well due to many reasons , so I’m pieced off most of the time when I’m trying to dictate so it’s a poor substitution for paper, pencil and healthy hand.

I have no choice.  I have to keep trying to organize my thoughts.  Even though it is so much more difficult now.  It takes more time.  I just have to be patient.  Do it little by little every day.  Then my situation in general unavoidably should get better even if a little bit.  It might make all the difference.

2)      I feel defeated. I’m tired of the constant obstacles on the way to my recovery (if that’s what is going to happen , hopefully)

I have to motivate myself better.  I have to picture to myself some future possibilities.  Of course I should consider being easier on my health and include that in the picture.  Because the picture should be real.  But I should work on making it more appealing although still doable.  I might need to change a profession.  It is very painful because I love architecture but it’s very competitive field and requires a lot of work in graphic programs but I don’t have enough health for that.  I have to suck it up , I have to be flexible.

3)      I feel isolated.  Most of people who surround me haven’t been in the situation as bad as mine for as long as I am in it.  I’m tired of what people usually say , why do they necessarily need to comment?…  If they don’t understand the first thing about my situation (I am recently having few health issues which made me change my lifestyle completely and now I am seriously questioning my future), about my health issues, and how it feels in my shoes.  I can not here anymore any BS.  I’ve heard too much of it from under qualified and lazy doctors before I finally was able to meet a good one , who, by the way is too busy to provide high quality service but at least he doesn’t say BS and doesn’t try to suggest how I should live my life.  (In my country the quality of medicine is very low, and this somewhat political question, for good quality you’d have to go abroad).  So by now I have zero tolerance for BS even when people mean well when they say it.  I wish I could just ignore that part of my relationships with people who were close to me before.  As a result , I created more barriers between me and other people.

I don’t have an answer for this one yet.

4) I feel very bitter and angry.  I’ve got really nice diplomas , and I’ve worked really hard for it.  I’m crazy about my profession and I was completely identifying myself with it.  But because of my current health situation I should rethink what I should do for a living.  It all started from one little health issue.  And then I just found out firsthand about low quality medicine in my country.  There were few doctors mistakes , there was unability to identify early symptoms, and there where again some significant mistakes made by doctors which led to quite a few significant health issues.  And now I’m screwed.  And cannot really punish anybody who’s responsible as I need all my energy in order to try to resolve somehow all this mess which is my life now.  Much of what they did is very hard to prove.  I would need a lot of money for a good lawyer.  It’s very bad for health to try to prove that they harmed you (if there is not enough prove) because in this case subconsciousness is just going to make you sicker trying to prove how unwell you are.  I’ve heard about cases like that.  So it’s just better to move on and hope that karma exists.  As about letting bad doctors practice by avoiding suing them…  It’s hard for me to imagine how good doctors can exist in my country at all.  OK we’ve got free Medical Service with underpaid and unmotivated doctors.  We’ve got also some commercial little clinics which do not thrive either because of the policy of the state.

I barely have energy already for dealing with my health issues so I should just forget about any revenge and focus on my live only and try to survive.  I don’t owe anything to anybody (except for my parents)

the earlier the better

I was thinking about all my successes and failures and found out that all of them were due to the right or wrong timing. Things which we call luck are often good timing and planning (and, of course, hard work but that goes without saying 🙂 ).

I like simple ideas, something which you can put in one short phrase. I want to implement the concept “the earlier the better” in many aspects of my life. These aspects are:

1. Going to bad earlier and getting up earlier,

2. Trying to get work done earlier (Which means not to get destructed until the work is done, because even little destructions when summarized consume a lot of time and energy)

3. Make strategic plan for my job-hunting, set necessary deadlines and define the tasks… well and try to get to those deadlines earlier 🙂

Oh! I still did not finish my work for today…


I have to hurry 🙂

Small things: timer and notebook

I’m still doing that thing concerning small things.

It is in everything…

How I start my day, how I do my exercises, how I do what needs to be done and constantly keep track on time.

Concerning my time management, it’s not ideal, but there are two small things help me to make it more effective. These things are: timer (in my phone) and small black notebook where I put short notes about how much time spent on which major tasks. So, in the evening I can always see if I did all I could or should have done; I can compare it with previous day. Then I make short remarks, why it was more or less effective than the day before, so I could build on it next day. It may sound a bit boring to do it every day but I know that it is necessary for me at the moment. I have to set my schedule effectively and on the way to get number of useful habits which will make me more resilient and will show results on a long run.

How do you control/improve your daily performance?

The feeling of fulfillment

Once I asked my super smart and super active friend what keeps him going? And he told that it is a feeling of fulfillment in the end of the day.

It is the best answer I’ve ever heard.

Apart from the “big goal” and the “big reason” we need to have smaller ones to get us through each and every day in a productive manner.

I am trying to get to that model of leaving when the biggest motivator of every day would be that feeling of fulfillment my friend was talking about. By having that feeling I will know that I am getting closer to my goal and that I am moving the right direction. I want that feeling to be my compass.

I would be glad to read about your thought on what are your major motivators to keep moving each and every day?

“Do not ever let somebody tell you…”

I made this post from my comment on the post about “Alchemist” of Coelho and other things among which was the quote saying that people will often not approve us, discourage, even create obstacles for us and say to us “no” but we still need to be able to say “Yes”.

I think that if someone by purpose is creating obstacles for other people, that’s a really miserable person without any significant purpose in life. In such situations, I think, one quote from “Alchemist” of Coelho fits perfectly. Unfortunately, I could not find it but it sounds approximately like this … those who make obstacles for another person to follow his/her path, never find their own…

Sometimes, someone might say that you cannot do something. Maybe that person is not thinking clearly or he/she could not do it himself. I have two good examples for that in my life. First is when one my relative was saying that I’ll never be able to get scholarship when trying to get into university. That person proved wrong and later on even did not remember that he ever said that rubbish Another time, other person have told me that it was impossible to do what I intended just because he did not succeeded, he also proved to be wrong.

I am glad that I remembered those experiences, because recently I was a bit discouraged by some rather close to me person. I was quite mad and disappointed for some time but then I’ve realized that we cannot expect everyone to understand us. I know that that person meant well but I won’t tell him about my ambitions any more… Anyway, there are people who share my views, so I am not too upset. It’s not productive 😉

By the way, talking about “small things better every day” today I finally reached my upper-intermediate productivity (6 hours with breaks after each + whole set of exercises) 🙂


Sometimes when smth is not going as smooth some inspiration can be really helpful.  I often listen to this song in such moments. Maybe it will inspire someone else 🙂

Another inspiration moment (more hour :)) of the day was when I found   blog with the post which spoke to me 🙂 (It’s almost the whole post, laconic but to the point:) :


1. Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.

Vincent van Gogh (from Start small if you have to but start! by )

2. Never say there is a task too hard or too big for you! Just start making small steps towards your goal and eventually you will get there, trust me!

 post Start small if you have to but start!

Stay inspired 😉


 P.S: Apart from the inspiration thing, I decided to work on my self-organisation in order to increas my results, I’ll also have to reduce my blogging time. So I will be posting once or twice a week.

Stability is also good :) (STBED 4)

Ok, I should remind that the point of the whole thing “small things better every day (STBED)” is not to be self critical but self-supportive. With my perfectionism it is the only right way 🙂 What I mean is that my perfectionism makes me too self-critical and even if I do great stuff and work like hell I find what to criticize myself for. And if I do not stop criticize myself my performance can drop to the bottom. So what I’m doing now is an antidote 🙂

The usual day:

1. Job issues: 3.40

2. Health issues: exercises 50 minutes

Summary: Stability is also good result, anyway it is few minutes better 🙂 (I have to be self-supportive 😉 )

Need to make a decision!

Today I’ve figured out why I was not that effective as I want to be. I know that I am not in my best shape right now (I’m only getting there 🙂 ) and maybe not able to do needed amount of work but still I can work smart and get better results with less effort. But frankly speaking I did not feel like I was smart enough for that either 🙂  I was not even sure what I was doing, where it’s leading me. My job hunting did not bring any good results yet and I felt that it might be because I wanted to get at once the most wanted for me positions and did not consider other options. I felt like I had to decide smth. Here is this smth:

  1. I have to get more realistic with my job hunting. Send more applications to the places where I have  more chance
  2. Only after making enough applications for the “real chance” positions I can send few applications for the “dream job”. I still want to give a chance to my dream but in the same time not to miss some real opportunity.

Then I’ve decided to make lists of + and –


  1. Obviously, it’s realistic 🙂
  2. I should not miss those real chances, I cannot wait any more, I have already wasted too much time
  3. After working at “real chance job” the chances to get “dream job” will be higher
  4. I can promise to myself that I’ll get back to my attempts of realizing my dream when there will be a better chance for that

I could not think of any real “-” but I had some wrong feelings about my decision:

  1. Feeling of pressure: But that’s just a general feeling that I have to hurry. I know that this kind of pressure can go away only after some good amount of work is done. But the decision I’ve made is actually the fastest, so it’s fine 🙂
  2. My previous decision did not turn out too well: But that because I did not analyze it very well 🙂 unlike this one. Previous decision increased some risks and some of them came true, when this decision is all about making situation “safer”, so it’s fine again 🙂
  3. I’m afraid to betray my dream: That’s just rubbish, I never did that before. But ok, I probably should say this promise out loud:

I promise to myself that I’ll keep pursuing my dream even if it’ll take longer then I wanted or even if it’ll get harder then I expected. I’ll keep pursuing it simply because I just cannot/should not leave otherwise, because I am who I am and really want to stay this way.

Now everything feels just right and I am sure about my decision 🙂

 Ciao-ciao 😉

Small things better every day 3 :)

 As I wrote before, what I’m trying to accomplish is always to perform better than the previous day. But I have two types of days: 1. when I go to a doctor (it is time consuming, so I have less time for job and health issues), 2. any other day. Today was a “doctor” day, so I have to make comparison accordingly.

1. Job issues: spent time for : 3.20 of effective work. It is better then any previous doctor day 🙂 I’m very glad. It will not be easy to beat this record on this kind of day. So I will have to think about which small things I want to improve 🙂 I need to mention that after each hour I make a break so I stay effective. So that, six hours of working this way are much more effective than 8 hours in a row with just one breack for a lunch.

2. Health issues: Apart from going to a doctor, 30 minutes of exercises. It’s fine:)

Summary: I am happy with results. Small things are getting better.

My next reports are going to be shorter. I’ll just write the time and type of day. What I would like to focus on is what I did to increase my results or  which little things I’ve improved. This time I put it in another post “Need to make a decision”

Thanks for reading 🙂

Small things better every day (2)

 Today I really have to do some good work so that would partially cover tomorrow. Because tomorrow I have see that doctor again. In order to undo any possible negative effect that person can have on me, right after that I’m gonna meet with my friend. That worked very well previous time 🙂 Moreover I have to ketch up with my friends whom I did not see for a long time 🙂


The day passed…

Well, I did not quite cover for tomorrow (so, somehow I’ll have to make time:) but did some good job for today.I definitely did much better then yesterday concerning both health and job issues. I wrote down the results and next time have to build on it and do better.

In order to have a better chance of achieving the two main goals I had to make some sacrifice…

I will stop playing guitar and singing. I can start doing it again when I will have more stable situation in my life. I was once in a band. It was very happy but short time 🙂 I had to make a decision which direction I have to take, so I decided to stick with what I was already studying at university. Doing both things well was not possible. Just like now, every time I take guitar in my hands, it’s just really hard to stop, I cannot stop before I am more or less satisfied with how it sounds. Usually I stop when I cannot sing or play any more:) Maybe it is because I am perfectionist, which is not always good to be. But that’s fine. Some time soon I will also work on it:)